Francis Answers - 5

Francis Lucille

Dear Francis

What steps can be taken to reduce conflict in life especially when you watch your own son involved in a conflict with a person who is acting totally on past conditioning and repeating egoic patterns. Someone who believes they are right and corrects everyone?

Thank you

Dear Aesh,

Do your best from your side to resolve the conflict, It is much easier to change your attitude in a given situation than to try to change others. Don’t expect anything from your son or his wife. See my answer on expectation posted on the Advaita Channel on my website. “Doing your best” in this case means to try to place yourself in the position of a fair and loving judge who has no bias towards or against any of the three parties involved in the conflict: you, your son, his wife. What advice would such a judge give to you in that case? What would he say? Make your best effort to find your answer to this question. Don’t make any final decision without getting it.

Remember that your son and his wife have to live their life and are entitled to making their mistakes, just as you have made yours. After all, in hindsight, you have benefited from your errors, and have become more interested in Truth because of them. Understand also that younger people have been exposed to a different culture and don’t necessarily share our values.

Finally, remember Yajnavalkaya’s words in the Bradaryanaka Upanishad: “It is not for the sake of the son that the son is loved, but for the sake of the Self”, and, of course, the same can be said about the daughter-in-law and anybody else in her family.

Most affectionately,