I have a problem in that my consciousness seems to be not only centered in and arround, but emprissoned in this body-mind complex. I would like to experience, not just believe - and at times doubt - that awareness exists independent of the brain. My experience of myself as being conscious is hitherto in form of a perception and therefore by the mind. All my perceptions are derived from the senses of this body and from thoughts and feelings that could be the results of chemical processes in the body. It is only by experiencing awareness beyond the constraints of the body that I can really know myself to be more than matter magically come alive. Don’t missunderstand me. I’ve been brought up in an advaitic family, and I’m not trying to make a statement here. But as long as I’m caught in this limited state it is all a beautiful bunch of concepts, no doubt supported by glimpses, and by the many who say they ARE that, and who proof by their life that they are beyond the normal human condition. There are times when the intellect does not or not want to doubt, because from inside there is that beauty that takes hold of me, and I just go with it. But is it just because the mind searches its comfort in that state? I can’t say. It varies from time to time. When there is inner certainty the doubts go to sleep, then they return with all force. Intellect says, if your awareness is not a product of the brain, but is universal, then you have to be able to brake the shakels of this hypnosis and experience youself in all the forms and bodies, ego’s thoughts and feelings, just the way you do in this one. That in itself is of course not more desirable than the relationship with this body and could lead to identification with all bodies, their senses, thoughts and feelings as I. But it would once and for all resolve the question. And it is, as I heard you once say, the thorn with which to remove the thorn. I’m not after experiences, lightshows and fireworks. But I need my doubts to be destroyed in the fire of undoubtable experience. Can you help me? Om Vishvarupa
Dear Vishvarupa,
Let us assume that for a few seconds your mind has access to at least one other mind, in some kind of telepathic experience, and returns thereafter to its ordinary state. Previous beliefs in a totally separate consciousness would certainly be challenged by such an experience, but would the doubts you are referring to be destroyed as a result? Or would you begin to have new doubts regarding the experience you just had, now reduced to a mere recollecting thought? And let’s assume that instead of having access to one more mind, your mind would have access to a larger number of minds, nay, to all the minds. What difference would a larger quantity of those make?
An experience of this kind, although it may have some value in unsettling some ignorance related belief systems, couldn’t possibly bring about the unshakable certainty you seek. The reason for this is that such an experience remains within the walls of objectivity, of a mind, even if it is an expanded one. You are already partially aware of this in your question, when you say “That in itself is of course not more desirable than the relationship with this body and could lead to identification with all bodies, their senses, thoughts and feelings as I”.
Everything that appears in the mind is doubtable, because it could be a dreamlike event, an illusion, a delusion. Right now, all the objects appearing to you could be elements of a dream you are creating, since while dreaming you are not aware that you are dreaming. How could something doubtable ever destroy your doubts? Therefore, only that part of your experience which is undoubtable may have the power to destroy your doubts.
If we look at our experience the only part of it which is undoubtable is the awareness or consciousness part. Even if everything else is an illusion, I am still absolutely certain that there is awareness. Therefore, the only side where you can find the doubt liberating experience you seek is the consciousness side, the “I am” side, not the mind side, the body side or the world side.
You could object that so far we have achieved very little in terms of a positive experience, and you would be right. The only problem is that nothing undoubtable can be achieved through positive experience, through mind experience. To recognize this fact, to be absolutely convinced of its truth is already a great achievement, it is in fact the highest achievement the mind can have access to, and the sole prerequisite for the true liberating experience. Your question shows that this conviction was not complete in your case. I hope my answer will contribute to its completion, which is a spontaneous letting go of all effort to obtain what you are longing for within the realm of objects, gross or subtle.
Grace will take you naturally beyond this threshold, as gently and naturally as you breathe, and your longing for this is already grace.
Most affectionately,
Francis
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