my childhood was gifted with spiritual light and experiences and even out of body observing. With no external cultivation or just someone to relate this to, it melted into the background. At 18 I was poisoned and had a near death experience that allowed me to view myself again and to experience the darkness as an entity full of action and from the midst of a magnificent orb of light to know all, be all, completely fulfilling, only now presence. This to was put to the back of my existence as I proceeded to live my physical existence. To know, live and share the truth has always been at the center of my heart though and over the last 3 years there has been time for me to begin pursuing and experiencing the gifts of attention and surrender, but I have not experienced the ability to observe myself again or be in the beautiful light of all-knowing. If you would have anything to add, I would be very grateful.
This Presence you knew to be during the experience you had at 18, has it ceased to be you? Or is it this very same Presence which is perceiving these words right now? Are there two “you”s, the one that perceives and the one that is perceived? During that revelation two things were experienced, one that was impermanent, and has since vanished, leaving you with the desire to be again in that state, and one that is eternal, always true, and was the real gift made to you in this revelation. It was a pure and transparent diamond that came in a beautiful, but fragile box, the objective circumstances accompanying this experience. And now, like a child still holding the diamond in her hands, not understanding its value, you cry for the loss of the valueless box. Find the diamond.