As I sat in my easy-chair on a Saturday morning recently, my intention was to simply sit aware of awareness. Nearly imperceptibly, there was a bit of what I will call a “shift” in perception. I began to be aware of a crystal clear reality, which would have made the sound of a crystal bell if it could have sounded. It was more real than sense perception. I noticed by it’s absence, my mind was not offering it’s usual ad-lib. I was very pleased about this, because had never known it’s absence prior to this. I would like to say I began to know that which is really Real. I was that which is really Real. It was grander, and yet simpler than I had ever imagined it would be. I went through the day in a leisurely way, if you can call this place leisure. Leisure is not a good word. I barely recall that I must have attended to normal routine functions as eating, etc… I remember as I went outdoors that all life I looked at had a recognizable essence about or in it. I recognized that essence as mine, in fact I made the comment out loud as I touched a flower, “yes that’s me too!” I “was” all I experienced. I also noticed I had no questions of anything, as all there “was” spoke everything about itself in itself. In other words, I had the sense that All is well-as it has ever been. It surely was beyond mind. This shift sustained itself the entire day, and as evening approached I recall reading about experience of awareness in that it does not come always to abide continually. In fact I began to read an entire book I had located online about the same subject. My thoughts were that I hoped this “place” would be a lasting abode of mine, but as I woke up the next day, alas the awareness began to fade into the background as I laughingly assumed my age old identification with conditioning. Since this “shift” I am less apprehensive about the possibility of my being aware of it, yet I so want to walk there continually. I have resumed inquiry and attention to awareness as I can. I do still work 40 hrs a week, but my real job is the pursuit of a permanent shift in perception. Presently, though I know that this place Is. Dear Francis, do you have any thoughts or suggestions? Thank you for your sweet teachings.
Dear Stephen,
As long as we make a distinction between Nirvana and Samsara, we are in Samsara. (Buddhist saying)
Everything that has a beginning in time and an end in time is a mind state, no matter how spiritual, beautiful or non-dual it may have been. I am not minimizing the value of that experience, but I would recommend to try to focus on the element of it that was present then and that is still present now. Something must have shifted permanently in you as a result of it. What you think yourself to be now is perhaps different from what it used to be. Whatever you have understood through this experience will keep growing and dissolving the dark areas of your belief in separate existence. But don’t look back. Don’t make it a phenomenal event that has happened to a separate human being named Stephen.
Love,
Francis
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