Inquiry and “Primary I” – Dear Francis, reading a posted question about inquiry and your answer, it is just too difficult not to ask this question regarding my own seeing, or lack of. Primary I has just always seemed to have simply appeared from nowhere, from void, or whatever it is most proper to call this. Void is this which is Source but without any felt/seen/detected qualities “at all” , not even consciousness, or truth, or love (which continues to pull out emotions object or energies of deep angst. Everything else is now sensed as being rooted in/from void. So much for the old “truth quest”! Primary I is experienced as verrrry dry, while ever present. Primary I also seems to be another object somehow. Is this so? Now recently, there is the experience of unmoving space (for wont of other words), and this does not seem to be questionable at all. It is not difficult here to look as or from this unmoving space, be it in the midst of daily life, or sleeping night. It is not known what I truly is other than this unmoving space now that is also never absent. So ok, abidance is simple enough and most likely, it would be impossible not to consciously abide, now. Is this unmoving space some variation of the primary I, or is it beyond/before the primary I? And that which is vaster than the words vast or immense, that which is felt-sensed Presence, you have just stated in a recent reply is the universal mind and the eternal moment. Whew, that was an abrupt “stop” here. You do that to this one all the time, even just via videos and this wonderful space of posted questions and your replies. Just a stop… and the unmoving space is unmovingly alert. This unmoving space does move while it never moves, or that’s how it seems, but anyway, about this unmoving space – I don’t ‘need’ to know, but I need to know,Francis. Oh gee whiz, ignorance is very tiring and confusion just keeps the mind going. If there is any reply, I thank you for it! If it were possible to arrive in Temecula, I’d already be there by now. The ‘stopping-ness”’ experience is like a calling, you see. Five years of such radical falling apart of career and well ,everything other than such calling, is most assuredly not any individual’s choice. Meanwhile there is knowingness that this ‘stop’ experience is not imaginary; it is very concrete, and still and thick and deep .. Much love, Confused Patricia
Your mind may be confused about this “stopping” experience, for it has no access to it, but your heart certainly isn’t. As long as the mind tries to abide in Primary I, it creates a limited image of it, an object in the flow of time. The liveliness, the perfume of the “I” experience eludes us, until “stopping” happens. Then, seemingly gradually, the perfume of the glimpse begins to permeate our ordinary experience, in the presence of thoughts, feelings and external sense perceptions. Glimpses occur repeatedly and more and more frequently. Our getting established in the peace and happiness of our true nature is only a matter of patience and letting it happen (in most cases under the guidance of our guru).