[Dainichi] I want a penis! Hell, you have a penis, you can masturbate anywhere! 
[Dainichi] For a woman to do it RIGHT, she has to lay down. Man gets a boner in the kitchen, he can wack off in the kitchen. 
[Dainichi] If I had a penis...I'd lock myself in my room for so long that my friends and family would probably end up calling missing persons on me.